A man was stabbed last night while queueing to buy one of the first copies of controversial new video game Grand Theft Auto 4. Shocked fellow gamers - including young children - initially thought the stabbing was part of a stunt put on by shop bosses to whip up excitement about the title’s release.
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So I submitted this story to Digg from Deadspin. I mean is this really necessary and is he the only guy? No, he’s not the only one, fuck Danny Almonte was in Little League. The MLB is doing this to themselves. What I mean is the MLB is fostering the this type of environment where kids with a lot of talent will do anything to make it to the big leagues. The story on E:60 said it best, but didn’t intend this message: MLB teams usually won’t look at a guy if he has reached the age of 19. Can you blame Miguel Tejeda for taking off a couple years of his age? He did it to leave horrible conditions in the Dominican Republic for millions of dollars in Major League Baseball. I can’t blame him, I would have done it myself. The following is what I submitted to Digg.
ESPN’s E:60 unleashes its orchestrated ambush of Miguel Tejada. They couldn’t sit on the story long enough because, well, a 33-year-old man posing as 31 is something that needs to be revealed so that the public can no longer be hoodwinked by this bastard Dominican shortstop charlatan. Middle aged women beware: Lying about your age is just beginning
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Mr. T brought someone out of a coma. You can read the extraordinary tale at Yahoo!
I’ve been talking about the healing power and miracle work of Mr. T for years. I wonder if he still drives the taxi he built in D.C. Cab?
Feel free to leave your own
[Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter]
‘Happy-Scrappy’ Mom: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal Graves: Yeah, what’re you looking for?
‘Happy-Scrappy’ Kid: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I’m on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?
‘Happy-Scrappy’ Mom: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
‘Happy-Scrappy’ Kid: Happy Scrappy!
‘Happy-Scrappy’ Mom: She loves it.
Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: “Whispers in the Wind”, “To Each His Own”, “Put It Where It Doesn’t Belong”, “My Pipes Need Cleaning”, “All Tit-Fucking Volume 8″, “I Need Your Cock”, “Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers”, “My Cunt Needs Shafts”, “Cum Clean”, “Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts”, “Cum Buns III”, “Cumming in Socks”, “Cum On Eileen”, “Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum”, “Girls Who Crave Cock”, “Girls Who Crave Cunt”, “Men Alone II: the KY Connection”, “Pink Pussy Lips”, and, uh, oh yeah, “All Holes Filled with Hard Cock”. Uh-huh… yeah… Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?
Policymakers weighed that risk against the risk that their actions would create “moral hazard,” or greater willingness of companies to take inappropriate chances. The officials stressed that their efforts were meant not to save shareholders of Bear Stearns or any other company but to keep markets from collapsing.
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Bush is implying that Americans who oppose telecom immunity are unpatriotic. But the American people don’t owe the telecoms any gratitude. These corporations chose to break the law and profited greatly from doing so.
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10. Missing your target and cumming on another dude.
9. Complain that some dude missed his target and came on you.
8. Proclaiming yourself “King” of bukkake and declaring the bukkake recipient “Queen Lady” bukkake.
7. Asking the guy next to you for a sperm sample after mentioning your spouse/girlfriend’s infertility issues.
6. Saying “Hey, whats up?”
5. Doing a space shuttle style countdown and yelling BLASTOFF for the ten guys after you.
4. Bragging that you started the syphilis outbreak of 1986.
3. Blow a giant fart mid-bukkake.
2. Offering to milk the prostate.
1. Wearing white after Labor Day
Really…he does. Just watch Good Luck Chuck. Lots of rim jobbin’.
So we pay our respective cell/home phone bills, right? We are buying a service, right? One would believe buying this service entitles them to the privacy of their phone calls….right? On August 5th 2007 the United States Federal government deemed it necessary to grant telecommunication corporations immunity for assisting the United States government in spying on its own citizens. ON ITS OWN CITIZENS. The Protect America Act of 2007 is what i am talking about. wtf, wtf, w…t…f.
This act is a revision Foreign Intelligence Service Act passed in 1978. Our President believes FISA is very outdated, and needs to be updated immediately. If the Protect America Act of 2007 passes it will permanently alter FISA. This means that our government, which we pay for is watching us. Trying to watch us for as long as they can, like a jackal wrapped up inside a hyena.
Dick Cheney quoted from the Rush Limbaugh show:
One of the main things we need in there, for example, is retroactive liability protection for the companies that have worked with us
Ummm….no we don’t if those fuckers are passing personal information about myself to the government, in any way, they should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
Let me translate what the VP was saying:
We gotta cover our buddy’s asshole from raping. Relax guy, our buddy at the phone company is gonna listen in on you or whoever we want them to from time to time but ONLY if you fit some undisclosed criteria, k? And if you do fit, and we listen, and you get mad, well you’re still fucked guy, because WE said it was ok for the phone company to listen! Remember…we are here to protect YOU!
Cheney also had this to say:
It’s been essential in terms of protecting the country against further attacks, vital, one of the most vital things the president’s done since 9/11, and it would be a tragedy if this authority weren’t extended.
Personally, I am not afraid of terrorists or terrorist attacks. If terrorists invade our country i will personally ass rape each one. I don’t care about al-Queda, shiite muslims, insurgents, sunnis, or militant Islams. Now this immediately opens things up to questions like “tone, are you sure…you aren’t like, some kind of fag…with a hatred of brown people? I can confidently say, no i am not that kind of fag. I’m the kind of fag that loves my privacy. Its a right I’ve earned. It is self evident. If i want to sneak down to my basement call some middle eastern homo 900 hundred numbers while i stick the claw end of a hammer in my ass and talk about Dick Cheney. Then goddamn it thats my right as an American. My neighbors don’t need to know this shit.
The fucking tragedy is corporations will face no consequences. No consequences for handing over our private information and phone calls to the United States federal government. A government that is supposed to work for its citizens not against. A government that you and i PAY for, we are paying for an attempted ass rape of 300+ million people. We are completely fucked. Fuck freedom ain’t free. I do not believe that our government needs this kind of power to protect us. I am not afraid. I will ass rape any terrorist, thats a promise. So please, as Americans, lets band together and say we are not afraid. Join me in the fight to ass rape terrorism out of the United States.
Links:
Definitions of the word fascist
Rush Limbaugh Interviews Dick Cheney transcript
The Alphabet Of Manliness by Maddox
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